On The Film Set.
We’ve made a little film. It’s not quite ready yet. Jimmy was supposed to come to the track and have a session with Joe but was so distraught at his record being beaten and his omission for the World Champs team that he didn’t turn up. This meant that I had to do some running. I had the correct kit but not the correct body shape. I am a natural in front of the camera though.
I believe I was having to explain that Jimmy had let us all down by not showing up. We’d all altered plans to be here. Everyone was disappointed with him but we had a job to do and we were going to damn well do it. Although I back my abilities as a coach I thought I should spend some time observing. Stylishly.
There were other people there but the best clothes they could find only had some kind of university logo. Not ‘Great Britain’. Fucking amateurs.
Joe seemed to take my hints and tips on board. We were pretty relaxed and looked damn sexy. So sexy in fact that Joe’s own father couldn’t even look at us.
I was worried about his choice of energy drink though, I was only reassured when Joe told me that it was simply the first bottle he found in his cupboard and was actually full of the thirst quenching, energy giving De’Longhi machine-made coffee.
Once the caffeine had taken hold, Joe set off proving he could actually fly. I’m unsure whether Olympic rules state that your feet have to make contact with the track at any point. If not, I reckon Joe has a pretty good chance.
After a while, my incessant offers of help and my perceived hole-picking regarding Team Thomas training techniques didn’t go down well. I was told to ‘put my ridiculous shorts where my fucking mouth is’. Fair enough, I’m confident in my ability. Given that I’m better at short distances, usually 5 to 10 yards and Joe specialises in 800m, we settled on a lap of the 200m track. I had the better start.
I kept pace most of the way around but was trailing by a couple of metres coming up to the line. I used a Watkins trick and yelled ‘Shit me, it’s a smooth, crisp cup of De’Longhi coffee’. Joe fell for it and I did him on the line. Get in.
Afterwards Joe was crushed. He couldn’t even stand up to shake my hand, I assumed he was just spent. He’d put a lot of effort into his race.
All in all this was a successful expedition. We got some good film footage, we didn’t have to look after Jimmy and I proved that I’m a world class athlete as well as a world class coach.
Look out for ‘Olympic Blog: The Mini Series’ coming to a blog near you soon.
- Coach Jarrett
All photography by Emyr Rees.